BLOODSPELL
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| Rated R
| | Copyright 1987 Marketing Media Corporation.
| | Reviewed by Demian, Denyse Mercer, and Jode Carrasco
on 'a long time ago' |
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- Hanging Woman - Three guesses what happens to her.
- Luther Redding - A pleasant character... After strangling his loving wife (snicker), he attempts to possess his son, laughing maniacally all along the way. Killed by the wrath of God (and a lightning rod).
- Jane Redding - Luther's wife. As you've probably gathered, she dies. Rather quickly. She apparently doesn't watch many horror movies.
- Daniel Redding - The weird new boy running away from his father. He's, apparently, "cool, confident, and cute." Everything that our next character, Charlie, is not.
- Charlie Hewitt - Our heroic neanderthal, resembling a cross between Keanu Reeves and Emo Philips. Frequently shirtless, and prone to temper tantrums, yet he is the first to realize that there is something odd about Daniel. It's always the least evolved...
- Joe - A resident trickster/jock, all sorts of bad stuff happens to him after Daniel arrives. He eventually ends up smoking in bed... ...the hard way! ("Joe got fried!")
- Georgie - Joe's partner in crime... He is fairy-like in his glee, but he eventually meets the business end of a wood chipper.
- Debbie - Charlie's beloved. She keeps trying to kill herself. Hmm.
- Dolores - The 80s Madonna wannabe. Unfortunately, nothing bad happens to her.
- Peggy - Wears striped shirts. That about defines her role in the film.
- Claudia - The token black girl.
- Jenny Marlowe - The squeaky-voiced woman who watches over all our beloved teen characters at Saint Boniface.
- Tony Montana - The pseudo-heroic guidance counselor assistant of Jenny. He's also in love with her. Eww.
- Dr. Greg Nelson - Not to be confused with Dr. Ted Nelson of Incredible Melting Man fame. He tangles with Daniel and loses.
- Mr. Moyers - The administrator. Seems like a bit of a jerk. He drinks.
- James and Dr. Scott - Mr. Moyers' yes-people.
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| At Saint Boniface, an evaluation center for troubled teenagers, something *EVIL* is about to arrive... Something named... Daniel! Daniel is the offspring of some evil possessed guy, and is doomed to become the new host for the evil entity; bottom line, this means he shouldn't be pissed off. Unfortunately, some people piss him off and die. After lots of yelling and arguing, our heroes, Charlie and Tony Montana, track Daniel down for a non-breathtaking finale which, sadly, doesn't involve chainsaws. God sorts it all out. |
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| Things I Learned From This Movie: | |
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- It's possible to pull a woman out a car window by grabbing her head.
- More goes on at the 7th Heaven house than we're aware of.
- Pigeons have good aim.
- Juvenile delinquents are highly flammable.
- A relationship can be founded entirely on screwed-upness.
- If your hat falls into a wood chipper, don't follow it.
- If you ask God for help, he will reply.
- Evil people with telekinetic powers resort to strangling their victims all too often.
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- 1 min - It's the 7th Heaven house!
- 11 mins - Don't just sit there!
- 12 mins - Gratuitous chest shot... We don't need this.
- 16 mins - For a superpowerful evil entity, climbing those steps sure winded him.
- 18 mins - Pigeon!
- 22 mins - Dead pigeon!
- 30 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST VINES!
- 33 mins - Georgie sure runs funny.
- 38 mins - Gratuitous burnt head shot!
- 43 mins - Milk used as a weapon!
- 54 mins - Good God! This looks really wrong.
- 62 mins - "My...necktie!"
- 66 mins - RANDOM ACT OF VIOLENCE AGAINST A FILING CABINET!
- 72 mins - He only has one headlight.
- 77 mins - Damned spring-loaded door.
- 78 mins - Chainsaw!! Hand!!!
- 80 mins - There's something... ...hypnotic about the way his hair moves.
- 81 mins - Spinning... Spinning... Spinning!
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| | Audio clips in wav format | SOUNDS | Starving actors speak out | |
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| File | Dialog |  | bloodspell1.wav
| Jane: "And I won't let you destroy him with your evilness!"
| | bloodspell2.wav
| Daniel: "Go to Hell! And take your special gifts with you!"
| | bloodspell3.wav
| Charlie: "Joe! Jenny, tell them to leave me alone! Tell 'em!"
| | bloodspell4.wav
| Guy #1: "You ever hear of spontaneous combustion?"
Guy #2: "Ha ha...You're not joking, are ya?"
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| | Leave a comment | EXTRAS | Buy the movie | |
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